Why You Look Like You're LARPing
And what to do about it
I can’t tell you the last time I wore a belt. Seriously. It was probably only a year or so ago, but it feels like ages. Since then, I’ve worn only suspenders. They feel so natural and second nature at this point that I can’t imagine ever going back a belt.
But of course, it wasn’t always this way. The first time I ever wore suspenders, I felt like a fish out of water. And although I approached the wearing of them with genuine curiosity and good intent, I couldn’t help but feel I was LARPing. It was probably what people around me thought as well. And to be honest, I can’t blame them.
I stopped wearing suspenders after about three days, and it wasn’t until last year that I started wearing them again. This time, however, was totally different. I felt natural in them. The imposter’s syndrome had totally disappeared. So what changed?
Most people will tell you that it’s just a question of confidence: “if you want to wear something bold, you’ve got to have the charisma to back it up!” But that is nonsense. The real key to it all is something far more simple, and indeed so astoundingly obvious that it gets completely overlooked.
Today, I want to share with you the secret to looking natural in whatever you wear. We’ll take the example of suspenders to highlight the main principles that can be applied to practically any style or accessory you’re keen on wearing. To keep it structured, I’ll break it down into three parts: the problem, the solution, and the result.
Now, let’s dive in…
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Part 1: The Problem
If you’ve ever been inspired to elevate your style, this is likely a problem you know only all too well. You catch a re-run of The Godfather on TV, watch a movie with Cary Grant in it, or get invested in the Peaky Blinders Netflix series. “Man, I LOVE their style”, you say. Naturally, you try to copy it.
But no matter how hard you try, you just can’t pull it off. You scrutinize the different elements in the outfit you need to replicate, thinking at each occasion that you’ve finally identified the pièce de résistance: “it’s the hat!”, “no wait, the vest!”, “scrap that, the collar!” You spend time and money on the right accessories, and maybe even buy a full blown suit. But despite your best efforts to imitate the man on the left, you end up looking more like the man on the right:
So what gives? People will suggest that it’s not the clothes themselves, but rather how attractive or fit you are. These people are wrong. Yes, the man on the left looks more natural in his clothing, but not because of his physical appearance. The authentic feel comes down to something else entirely.
If after your efforts you still find yourself looking more like the man on the right than the left, the problem is that you’ve taken a surface view of clothing. You observe what people wear, identify the articles of clothing in that ensemble, and try to find comparable pieces online. But without real knowledge of the language of dress, of the historical reasons why things are the way they are, then you’ll always fall short.
To illustrate what I mean by this, let’s use a metaphor. Say you want to convince someone you’re a Frenchman living abroad, and so you start speaking with a French accent. But you don’t actually know French, so you have to base your accent entirely on the ones you’ve heard other people do. You might get pretty far by doing this, and even convince a few people that you really are a Frenchman. But to people who really do know the language, or are indeed French themselves, your fakery will only get you so far. They’ll be able to detect inconsistencies and identify you as a fraud.
This same thing happens with the language of dress, and it’s what enables some people to comes across as authentic in what they wear, whereas others look like knock-off imitations. To be clear, though, this does not mean that you have to learn everything about the history of clothing to look natural, nor does it mean that every aspect of what you wear must be period-accurate. My friend Vincent, for example, makes for a much more compelling Peaky Blinder, despite the fact that his clothes are completely asynchronous with those of the period:
So what, then, is the key to looking natural in what you wear? It all comes down to one single commandment which, if you follow it, will make everything fall in place, and ensure you never feel like a fraud again…
