Is Pride Always a Sin?
Where most people get it wrong...
When you put together the perfect ensemble and admire yourself in the mirror, are you committing a sin? Are you being vain? Prideful? Both? Many would say “yes” and leave it at that.
But what those people miss is that these “sins of appearances” are in fact more nuanced than most assume, and misunderstanding them can distort your spiritual life as much as committing them.
You can beautifully populate your home and your wardrobe without vanity or pride, but in a culture of narcissism and excessive self-love, this feels increasingly difficult to do. So it’s time to clear things up.
Today, we explore out the difference between well-ordered pride and sinful pride, where vanity does and doesn’t overlap, and how you can orient yourself to avoid the problem altogether.
Let’s start with some basic distinctions…
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Vanity and Pride Aren’t the Same
Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us.
-Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
Though people can use them interchangeably, pride and vanity are quite different and easily distinguishable by where they fix their focus.
The prideful person is one who thinks himself above others, and adopts an attitude which reflects this. Whether in intelligence, looks, manners or strength, the prideful person is in constant competition with the world around him for dominance in some field or other. The focus is self-estimation in comparison to others. “I am great!” thinks the prideful person; his focus is on himself.
The vain person, by contrast, does not necessarily think himself above others, but is instead desperate for their approval. He is constantly seeking validation from others so he can revel in the grand vision of himself that others see. He wears nice clothes, says smart things, or makes the “right” friends because he hopes others will praise him for it, allowing him to see himself as larger than life. “Am I great?” asks the vain person, and hopes you will answer affirmatively; his focus is on others.
In short, pride is an overestimation of one’s worth. Vanity, often an insecure form of pride, wants high estimation from others for the feeling it produces in oneself.
But in either case, how could pride ever be good?
What is Properly Ordered “Pride”?
Whenever we find that our religious life is making us feel that we are good—above all, that we are better than someone else—I think we may be sure that we are being acted on, not by God, but by the devil. The real test of being in the presence of God is, that you either forget about yourself altogether or see yourself as a small, dirty object. It is better to forget about yourself altogether.
-C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
Much of the confusion around “good” pride as opposed to sinful pride stems from how the use of the word has changed. While pride at one time referred to the sin of unjustified self-regard, it has morphed to the point where it can now be used in a more benign matter. Pride today can refer to the pride you feel in seeing your child happy, or the pride of having accomplished a long-standing goal.
This second sort of pride, when it is justified and not taken to extremes, can be acceptable. C.S. Lewis makes the point in Mere Christianity that “Very often, in such sentences, the phrase ‘is proud of’ means ‘has a warm-hearted admiration for’. Such an admiration is, of course, very far from being a sin.” Nevertheless, he cautions, such pride can result in one acquiring a sense of superiority, at which point it becomes a problem.
This second form of pride is still not as bad as being proud of oneself, says Lewis, as at least you are focusing on others rather than yourself: “To love and admire anything outside yourself is to take one step away from utter spiritual ruin; though we shall not be well so long as we love and admire anything more than we love and admire God.”
What today is called pride would be more properly labelled as joy in excellence, proper self-respect, or grateful recognition for the gifts found in life. These terms are kin with Lewis’ “warm-hearted admiration” and are more apt replacements for today’s “good pride,” if only to make the differences stark.
But differentiating “good” pride from bad is only the first step…
The Greatest Weapon You Have
Humility is the fear of the Lord;
its wages are riches and honor and life.
-Proverbs 22:4
The virtue traditionally opposed to pride is humility, so it is a natural place to look when trying to avoid pride. Remember that pride lies at the root of the devil’s rebellion, and so, as Saint Therese of Lisieux said, “The most powerful weapon to conquer the devil is humility.”
Humility is multifaceted. It is an attitude, a set of behaviors, and intentions that you have unique access to, as you are the only one apart from God who knows your own mind. For further clarity, you can turn to Aquinas, for whom humility was a question of will (which he refers to as an ‘appetite’):
Humility has essentially to do with the appetite, in so far as a man restrains the impetuosity of his soul, from tending inordinately to great things: yet its rule is in the cognitive faculty, in that we should not deem ourselves to be above what we are. Also, the principle and origin of both these things is the reverence we bear to God.
Humility originates in the reverence we have for God. It is difficult to consider anything one has done as “worthy” when seen in the shadow of God’s awesomeness, and in this way, pride finds more room to grow the more distance there is between you and God. The less you look up, the more you’ll look in.
It’s also important not to confuse self-loathing with humility, when the former is rather its excess, just as pride is its deficiency. Belittling yourself for no reason is just as bad as thinking you’re great with no cause.
Knowing this, you can determine whether your actions stem from humility or pride simply by asking where you think they situate you before the divine. Do the beauty of the clothes you wear, the company you keep, or the way you decorate make you grateful, or increase your estimation of yourself? Are you being drawn into yourself, or out of yourself, in your appreciation?
In matters of dress in particular, St. Francis de Sales writes of his desire that:
Devout persons would always be the most well-dressed persons in their milieu, but at the same time, the less pompous and affected. As we read in Proverbs, they should be characterized by grace, decorum, and dignity.
Note that he ties being well-dressed to a person’s milieu, meaning you take into consideration your status and standing in each space. Dressing well means you don’t try to exaggerate or diminish your worth within your environment. Style reveals what you think of yourself, and is sinful in proportion to how much it serves as self-worship or self-delusion.
The right disposition correctly balances self-worth with humility and lies between the excess of pride and the deficiency of self-loathing. You do not think yourself greater than you are, but you also do not belittle yourself either.
For Aquinas, this balance is embodied in the virtue of magnanimity, a nobleness of character that Aristotle once poetically called “greatness of soul.” Aim for this balance in everything you do and you can move forward in humility, no matter what you look like.
Sin Stems From Your Heart, Not Your Style
Even as time dilutes and morphs words, the concepts they represent remain. Whether you call it pride, vanity, or conceit, the dangers of thinking you’re better than you are stay the same. For fear of these sins, some people avoid even something as simple as looking good.
But avoidance does not save you from scrutiny. As Aquinas notes, the practice of humility is internal, but the fruits of that discipline (or lack thereof) eventually become plain to see, no matter the window-dressing you place on it:
Now the inward disposition of humility leads to certain outward signs in words, deeds, and gestures, which manifest that which is hidden within, as happens also with the other virtues. For “a man is known by his look, and a wise man, when thou meetest him, by his countenance” (Sirach 19:26).
Ultimately, while aesthetics can be a channel for vanity or pride, whether you keep God or yourself at the centre of your life is the real test of humility. Either way, your choice will be recognized regardless of how you present yourself.
When you feel at risk of pride, the question to ask is not what are you wearing, but who are you worshipping.
What a refreshing read, gentlemen. 👏👏👏
To dress well, then, is to practice a small yet powerful act of theology. The theology of gratitude.
And so you walk out into the world armed with that human balance. Knowing you are something and knowing you are not everything. That is the dance. That is the grace.
Thank you for these wise words. I pray that you will be blessed with even more wisdom. ✨✨
Best regards!
Good article, I think that “pride” is often used in the sense of “satisfaction in something well done, competent, or otherwise pleasing.” This is the pride we take in our kids’ accomplishments, our work, or dressing well. This seems to be quite distinct from what the Holy Fathers or Scripture mean by pride, which is clearly a sense of superiority and self-exaltation.